He is good. I know it. His sovereignty is unquestionable. I believe it.
The depth of my pain is shocking. I have again, entered the Valley of the Shadow of Death. The death of my friend Roni has shaken me to the core.
I KNEW He would heal her.
He did. Just not HERE.
I hear His voice as a part of my daily interaction with Him. I engage with Him over big and small issues; things that would seem petty to many but I KNOW He cares about what matters to me.
She mattered to me, a lot and her precious family too. Her treasured husband, stood so strong in the face of such agony, steadfast in his conviction that God would heal her too.
And now, she is wrapped in the arms of Jesus and I am wondering why I KNEW He was going to heal her. What was He accomplishing in me with that rock solid conviction she would be healed HERE when He already knew she would return to Him?
I am learning to be more comfortable with questions that don’t have answers for this side of Heaven. His infinite picture far surpasses anything I can even begin to see.
In the Valley of the Shadow of Death, He remains sovereign. He already knows what is best. I can change His mind, but do I want to? If my perspective is finite and His is infinite, how can I begin to question Him?
When I contend (as the dictionary says: To strive in opposition, To strive against (others) for victory, To put forth reasons for or against something, often excitedly, To engage in a quarrel, To put into words positively and with conviction) with Him about His plan, I KNOW He hears my heart, the pain in it, and my submission to His will.I think the key to being in the Valley of the Shadow of Death is to WALK through it like Psalm 23:4 in the Amplified says - Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me. – Not to set up camp there, dwell there, or wish I wasn’t there. For as long as it lasts, I am walking here, again, in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, anticipating His protection and His guidance, just like His Word says knowing good can be found in this place and in the places that come after, because He is good.