Wednesday, November 13, 2013

NEW BLOG!!! TRUTH!

Its Wednesday and I'm getting ready to do my Five Minute Friday writing with Lisa Jo Baker.

Her prompt this week (LAST Friday!) was TRUTH.

There are million directions I can plunk out five minutes on this word, but today, my focus is on this:

This book

God made our brains. He is an extraordinary God of detail. I am not marketing this book to get paid, but reading it with the understanding that the TRUTH is that I am NOT living life with a healthy brain.

I've been suicidal this year. Deeply depressed. Required medication - LOTS of it to manage life.

I've been studying the Bible. Reading the Words of Life knowing they heal and restore because God is healing and restoration and prayerfully asking Him to show me ALL I need to do to become all of who He designed me to be.

Having been listed by the stats as morbidly obese for 20 years, I have completed 3 sprint triathlons and swam a mile in a lake as a part of a team. I have not let my weight destroy my understanding of who God says I am and yet this year, I am more irritated than ever with the body I am accommodating instead of altering for His glory.

I've written other blogs about my health journey at Prism Progress but that hasn't been enough.

So today, I started a new blog. One I will morph into ALL of the things I am encountering in finding Peace in the Process and some of that information is contained in this book.

Other insights I am gaining in a journey on the Genesis Process...

The TRUTH is setting me free. One prayer, one verse, one insight, one revelation at a time.

If you like the idea of joining up, you are welcome to contact me. God is doing a great work and I am thankful to be in His TRUTH, walking by His leading and trusting Him with everything at a whole new level!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Five Minute Friday - LAUNDRY!

Its time for me to write with Lisa Jo Baker on Five Minute Friday!
I haven't posted in a few weeks but this is the day I actually post on FRIDAY! Whoo Hooo!
Today's prompt is LAUNDRY!
 
 
Laundry -
I have a love/hate relationship with it. My puppy loves it. She isn't picky. Clean, dirty, she isn't even picky about the item. We are her family and our stuff is hers, just like we are.

No, we aren't candidates for Dog Whisperer yet, she definitely knows her place, but when I was mid-laundry doing the other day and I came upstairs from changing loads to find her in this position, I was a little jealous.

She rests so deeply because her list of "to dos" isn't that long... Run, play, chase & herd boys, sleep, poop, eat, bark, wag tail, still piddle at the sight of new people... that's basically it.

I do most of those things (except piddle when I meet new people and wag my tail ;))but it's with a running list in my head of what's next. Being in the moment is one of my greatest challenges. That is why I love and hate laundry.

I hate laundry because I often forget to finish it. I forget, because of the giant list in my head, to switch it. My record for most re-washes is 3, or maybe 4. That's annoying! I wish I could just remember, and no, setting the timer doesn't help because I sometimes don't hear it, or sometimes I forget why I set it!

I love that I have mountains of little boy laundry. I waited 9 1/2 years to get pregnant with my first. It was a long wait of just two people worth of laundry. Just after our 12th anniversary we found out there would be more laundry added soon... then after one, 14months later came the other, then two and a half years later, the last little dirty laundry maker.

Each time I fold pants, pile underwear (I don't fold them... what is the point of THAT?!) attach socks, wonder where the spare socks are (pretty sure the dog or washer ate them when I wasn't looking), and nudge these fellas into hanging up their shirts I am grateful for the little bodies that get them dirty (well, ALMOST every time).

Laundry is a gift. It is a reminder of the people I serve, and I love that my puppy (the only other girl in the house) enjoys it too.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Five Minute Friday: She

 
 
Its late for "Friday" posting... but I just had to do this!
 
 
 
We met the summer of 2011. She was in the internship at our church and watched our sons several times to earn money for a missions trip to India. She and I had many heartfelt talks when I would take her home. We grew closer and I prayed for her often. In August God put it on my heart to pray for her like a daughter. So I did.
It was only a few more months before she came to live with us. She traveled with us, celebrated holidays with us, became a very treasured member of our family.
God did a mighty work in her. Beyond what we could ever have planned or imagined. She had a room in our finished basement that she made her own and she watched our boys to offset her living expenses.



She chose to get baptized, graduated the internship and found a job at a local preschool. She experienced more and more of Jesus, His provision for her, His grace, and His blessings. She moved out on her own in June of 2013. We praise God for who she was, who she is and who she is becoming.

I have learned to never underestimate the power of obeying God. He asked us to have her live with us and He did so much. If God puts someone on your heart to invest in and pray for. Please do it. You'll not regret it!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Broken

I think I am 
Cracked if not smashed
Dreams carved from heart
Altered forever

Broke-in
Love broke through
Despair and darkness
Light exposing pain

Broken but not destroyed
He broke in to chunks
The devastation mass
Become pieces to be released. 

Healing is a process. 

Friday, July 12, 2013

The Present is a Present!

Today I am finally attempting to get back into the groove of writing regularly... maybe.

It's Five Minute Friday time with Lisa Jo Baker!

I figured I'd start small and go from here. Today the word is PRESENT.








GO!

At PRESENT I am doing prep work for a major addition to our family (shhhh... don't tell! It's a SECRET!), continuing to work toward my physical goals concerning my health and fitness levels, neck deep in little boys antics, focusing on making memories and building relationships with our sons, needing to plan a menu for next week that will not include chicken nuggets, and trying to get rid of the post-vacation blues (and bloat) from the last two weeks.

I feel the challenge of remaining PRESENT when all the questions, potty talk (ie:bathroom humor), altercations, and consequences tempt me to evaporate into a book, the internet, or Candy Crush.

When I see my life as a PRESENT it becomes less of a challenge and more of a gift. I must remember that. Every. Single. Day.

STOP!

There it is, my first blog in almost 3 months. It's not brilliant, but its a start...

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Pain is a Pain!

Several of you have asked what is going on with me over the past few weeks. I am going to try to keep it simple as to not air out all my process in public but many of you care so I feel compelled to share at least some of it.

For many years I have struggled with my weight and with depression. Both of which are genetic predispositions, but nothing I haven't worked diligently to deal with both nutritionally and with fitness.

About four weeks ago I had six migraines in eight days. VERY unusual for me when I typically will get one or two a year, maybe. I had a reprieve one day and decided to try a Pilates class, which I loved until my heart rate was up and I did a "Downward Dog" and it felt like my head would explode off my neck. It was quite alarming.

I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was 140/100 also VERY unusual for me. I have always had a lower than normal blood pressure. Even when I was full term with my youngest and heavier than I'd ever been in my life my BP was right around normal.

He ran a FULL spectrum of blood work and suggested a sleep study. He indicated that we needed to look at my weight and depression issues as symptoms instead of causes for many of the things happening with my body.

EVERY blood test was within the normal range. The only one that was on the low end of normal was vitamin D (normal for this part of the country). No diabetes, no high cholesterol, none of the things that would come from my being medically categorized as "morbidly obese" for over 10 years.

Last week I did a sleep study. A bazillion electrodes and wires, snore monitor, etc were attached to me and I managed to sleep with a little medicinal assistance. The technician told me that in order to meet the insurance requirements for assistance with a CPAP machine I needed to stop breathing at least 20 times for 10 seconds each within an hour's time. At some time in the night she came in and hooked me up to the machine. It felt weird but she had coached me how to use it before I went to bed. She told me the next morning that I easily met the requirements and she felt like it could really help me.

The headaches continue daily. I sleep occasionally. Sometimes I use medicine to sleep and it helps.

I am very aware of God's presence and Healing Power in this process. He keeps speaking to me about trusting Him in this. I know answers will come. I know the healing will come.

Persistent pain is incredibly exhausting. I MISS working out. Anytime my heart rate goes up everything feels worse. The medicine I am on for my blood pressure is helping but until we have more answers, or I have complete healing, I am where I am.

What triggered all of this?

In January I began going through some healing for some deep heart hurts. Our oldest son has been having trouble in school, we discovered he needs hearing aids and God answered my prayer to bless our marriage with a "tune up" to remove some old patterns of communicating and replace with better more effective ones.

God has moved in powerful ways in our marriage and in our family. He has provided funds for hearing aids and for the sleep study (most of which were not included in our insurance). He has provided help from dear friends with prayers, encouragement and child care. He has built up and strengthened our communication in our marriage and it is better than ever.

And now this physical stuff has started with me...

I trust Him for my healing. I trust Him for the provision for the needs of my Love and our family.

Thanks for your prayers, if you feel led to do so.

Friday, April 5, 2013

After... - WHEN is that?!

Writing with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday again today.

I have five minutes to spill out whatever pops out of my brain through my fingers on the word AFTER.

GO:

Many of my thoughts for years have started with that word:
After...
... I can get some sleep
... they get out of diapers
... I lose the weight
... they don't need me so much
... I can get organized
... I get some different furniture
... I have a bigger kitchen

Do you see where I am going? How many things do I miss out on waiting for "after"?

I read Lisa Jo's blog often and wonder how she writes. It seems like life is plenty busy for her but she still manages to spill over me gracious wise words that refresh my soul.

I want to write like that. I want to know how to organize my time and life in such a way that the gifts that I've been given have a place to pour out and bless the people around me.

I think NOW is the time. Not AFTER... otherwise I will miss something waiting for the AFTER...

STOP.

Friday, March 15, 2013

FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY - REST

Five Minute Friday time again with Lisa Jo Baker


REST

Rest is about perspective. If I am trying to figure everything out, plan too far ahead, make arrangements for things that might happen… there is no rest.

But, if I see things through Father’s eyes, I rest. He knows what to do. His vision is 20/20 in every direction. The One who knows the end from the beginning and the beginning from the end wants me to rest.

Resting isn't necessarily sofa surfing or bed bound, but peacefully pursuing His heart for the day – the small or big people He puts in my path, the tasks that bless my home and family, the words that speak wisdom and grace with the tenacity of a warrior who knows victory is on the other side of the current battle.

I see today through His eyes, His vision, His design in me, moving forward in the way He’s called me to go, busy with the relationships, tasks and challenges while I rest.
 
 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Toothpaste on the Bathmat and Other Sticky Situations of Parenthood (Part 1) – Jennifer Bogdanowicz


I wash the bathmats. Often.

I have no idea how they do it. Well, I do.

That doesn’t make it less annoying to walk in to brush my teeth only to have my bare foot stick, to my freshly washed mat.

Grrr…

But, there are bigger things, stickier things that plant themselves on my heart that are harder to remove than a few tiny bits of Transformers overspray.

Like – This lingering sense that we missed something BIG in helping our oldest son learn to the best of his ability – Oh wait, we did!

Last week we discovered our oldest son has mild to moderate hearing loss that will require hearing aids and apart from a miracle, it is permanent. Yes, he’s 8. Yes, I had wondered for years if that was a problem. Yes, I’ve never missed a checkup and had the Doc look at his ears several times.  Yes, I thought he was “selectively” listening to us and had consequences accordingly. Yes, like a drop of toothpaste drool, I didn’t think it was really there until I stepped squarely in it.

And, like the blue foamy gunk, the guilt of the oversight sticks. It feels emotionally more like gum imbedded in the tread of my favorite shoe, but when I stop and think through the past several years that I have prayed over my son, seeking God’s wisdom and insight on how to raise him for the destiny he was designed for, I am very aware again of God’s perfect timing.

Trusting God with my kids is always sticky because I like to think that I am the one who knows what’s best for them. A lot of the time, I do. But I have the choice when I am dealing with this kind of sticky situation to view it as catastrophic like Bubble Yum squished into every crevice of my best running shoe or as a frustrating but simply removed minty fresh splash that ended up on my naked sole.

I am not likely to miss this kind of issue again. All the other little anatomically perfect ears in our home will receive the testing that checks the nerve development, the hidden culprit in this situation in the next few weeks.

Wisdom gleaned from sticky situations can always be applied to future possibilities. I plan to listen to my internal wonderings more carefully, respond more quickly, coach a little more on containing the slobbery brushing to the sink, and continue to wash my bath mats.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

HOME Is Where My Heart Is

It may be Saturday, but today is my opportunity to write with one of my favorite bloggers: Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.

Friday's word prompt: HOME

When I think of HOME - the first thing that comes to mind is something that's been embroidered on zillions of pillows for generations:

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

For me today, I set my mind and heart on the things above *.

Today one of my dear mentors is being celebrated 11 hours from me after suddenly departing for Heaven last weekend. She is at HOME. Her nature and character communicated that you could always be at HOME with her too. I will miss her terribly. I grieve with her family and friends, longing for our eternal HOME together... looking forward to the reunion we will all have eventually.

Also, today is the fifth anniversary of one of my first "sons of my heart" trip HOME to Heaven too. I miss him. He was and remains a gift to those of us who had the blessing of loving and doing life with him.

Finally since I only have a couple seconds left... I am reminded that the earthly HOME where I reside is not permanent. I am here for a purpose, a destiny ordained for me by God, and I choose to be faithful and intentional about hearing His voice and walking forward in obedience and joy**. My heart is at HOME with my Lord, my life in my earthly HOME has a purpose, and I am trying to keep them both in their right perspectives.
My Purpose - Simply stated by "Unknown"

STOP - end of 5 min write.

* Colossians 3:1-4 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

** Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Ever Feel Like You Don't Fit In?

I was talking with a friend the other day about something we are both going through. She went to meet up with some other friends and said she felt like a giraffe among a pack of smaller animals... so I started thinking...


How many times do I feel like I stick out? Like I don't fit in because of what is going on in my life at the moment or some physical characteristic - for me - being overweight - that makes me feel like the odd ball.

When you are in a season like that or have a challenge you are facing (losing weight) its almost like you have to have a long neck to see beyond now into what is coming to remind you that it won't stay this way forever.


So, the next time you feel alone, or like you stand out... look around, there might be someone you can walk alongside who feels the same way. Then, walk together, focused on the future, but working together through the now... being POSITIVE and ENCOURAGING to each other to drink lots of water...
 
Eat your veggies...
 


And no matter what you look like...
Don't take yourself too seriously... because everybody feels the way you do at some point in their life...

Friday, February 8, 2013

Bare

Its time for

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where we write for 5 minutes on a prompt she throws out there for us... so here it is:

Bare –

When I think of this word I think of how I am walking right now. I feel like my God is stripping away all the things I have clung to for my own self- preservation and protection. I have made this choice willingly, to allow Him to do this, but I will admit that every once in a while, the pain is intense enough to want to throw in the towel and quit.

But what I do know about Him is that in the stripping down, there is always a re-clothing. A gift of a new wardrobe on the other side - a wardrobe of solid identity in Him, confidence that comes from my core not my rational brain, and the ability to believe Him when He says I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Ps 139).

So, I say again, “Yes, Lord”, I come to you bare, all things between You and me stripped away, releasing my will to Yours knowing that Your plan, Your process for me is far more than I could ever imagine (Eph. 3:20).

Friday, February 1, 2013

Holiday

Clouds zip fast
Wind pushing
Snow-glitter spins
Chill and beauty collide.

Skiers and boarders
Heads dipped low
Against thick collars
Finish mountain play.

In sun-filled patch
On floor resting
Cozy still
Shine on face
Heaven's kisses go deep.

Who am I?

My photo
I am a wife and mother of 3. I have been married to my best friend for over 25 years and our children are 12, 11 and 9 years old. I have struggled with infertility, suffered the loss of a baby by miscarriage, and endured multiple career paths. I have experienced a crisis of faith that shook me to the core and lost a dear friend to a tragic death. I have had a personal relationship with Jesus for most of my life. The Bible and my relationship with Christ has been essential to my surviving and even thriving in my circumstances. I hope you will be blessed by joining me in this process of life. I thank you for showing up to read what I have written.