Friday, January 27, 2012

Creative Pores, Box Cars, and Snow Snacks

There seems to be a problem with linking up with my friend with the "Fess Up Friday" posts so I guess this one is on my own.  Here it is without the cool "button".

I haven't "Fessed Up" for a while. Trying to get back to my blog has been a long effort, but I have missed it so much I had to just jump back in and be okay if it isn't brilliant.

My oldest fella never ceases to amaze me. Creativity oozes from his pores. As you can see.

The AWANA group we are participating with this year did a "Box Car" movie night. I know confessing this will make some parents think I am a bad mom, but really, I DID NOT WANT TO BUILD A BOX CAR! I resisted until the very last minute. Literally. AWANA starts at 6:30 and I began building them at 6pm. I know, how sad. We could have spent a week, painting, planning, preparing, but no. I was many weeks in to single parenting during the week and I just wanted Daddy to be home to do this one thing. But, it turns out, building Box Cars is fun! We laughed and colored and "hurry up we have to go!" Next year, I will be ready and waiting for this event! Silly me!

We had a LOT of snow recently. It has all turned to a dribbly, squishy, puddled mess now, but for a few days it was really fun. Twizzler snacks in the snow fort was one of the highlights.

One of my favorite highlights...
Little boy hat hair!

I cannot promise weekly "Fess Ups" but I am thankful to be back up and blogging after a long time away! Thanks for reading! Blessings!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

What a Week!

The pain of this week has seemed unbearable.

1)      Letting go of a house I really saw as the answer to our cramped quarters, the space we long for to use for ministry and the blessing of a kitchen I can really work in without feeling claustrophobic.

2)      Letting go of my baby I lost 5 years ago – all over again. Somehow this year it is palpable. I think it has to do with praying for so many close ones who are suffering loss at the moment.

3)      Pressing in on the last week of a fast I have been doing. The first 14 days have been hard but this final week feels like I am drawing from every resource I have(and don't have!) to see it to the end.

4)       Managing a “monthly cycle” that is random and hormonal swings that are tantamount to insane.

5)      Trusting God with it all when I am angry & sad.

The joys of this week have come in waves like the pain.

1)      A man named Mike Howard came to our church and was such a huge encouragement! He literally busted wide open my heart for God and I know I loved Him lots before! I am changed!

2)      I have a dear friend who experienced some spectacular healing from the Lord this week. Something I have prayed for her for months. What a delight to see her sparkle where grief and despair used to overtake her appearance!

3)      My husband and I prayed. We heard from God. We made a decision in unison even though it was incredibly hard. There is gratitude, even in the hard choices.

4)      My fellas have touched my heart deeply this week. Reaching out to pray for me when I am struggling and reminding me how much they love me, all the time.

5)   I realized that for the first time in my adult life, I am not using food for anything besides fuel for my body.

6)      I am so thankful for the blessing of living my life.  Every. Single. Day. Even when I have to smile through the tears.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Next Step

I feel we have spent the last three years or so in incubation. I sense we are about to move into the next steps of our journey as a family…

We left California to make a new start. We arrived in North Idaho not knowing all God would have in store for us…

A couple of kids who love each other, love God and love adventure…

We lived in a new place every six months for the first few years we were married. We lived in an apartment, a house way downtown, a couple of trailers of varying degrees of disrepair, and then, our dream to own a house, it came true. Gifts from my grandparents and my parents gave us a downpayment, Erik drew the plans and he built it.

You can see from this picture we didn’t even completely have front steps and the stickers were still on the windows when this was taken. We waited to try to have kids until we had a house. We lived in this house throughout our entire season of infertility until one day, it finally happened. After 9 ½ years we had become pregnant and based on our sense of Erik’s mom’s need (she never would have asked, but God put it on our hearts) we sold this house and bought one that would accommodate a separate space for Mom B to have.

He blessed us in our new space. Abundantly.

We have spent the last eight years being blessed, growing as a family. Mom B has found her own space but not until she helped me get through the challenges of having two babies back to back (14 months apart). We have loved, lived, yelled, grown, cried, laughed so hard our faces hurt, entertained and delighted in the precious place God provided for us.

But now, I sense it is time to move on. I don’t know what is next. As we pursue the pre-approval process and look at new homes, I look forward and backward at the same time, knowing that the gift of this space I brought my babies home to, the space where we became a multi-generational family, the space that nourished and nurtured all of us is going to bless someone else and we will move ahead into the destiny God has planned for us.

We plunge ahead sensing the door on this place close and the next door opening even when we don’t know what the next address will be. But, we do know this:

-          The Faithfulness of our God remains as constant and as consistent as it has ever been.

-          The nourishment we have received in this space is not exclusive to this place but will be just as present as the next – because the Spirit of the Living, Loving, and Awesome God will be there, just like He is here.

-          The space we gain will be taken up by the next season of people, plans and purposes He has ordained since before either of us was born.

-          Hearing His heart for us, our ears to His chest, my Love and I will KNOW beyond the shadow of doubt exactly what space He has for us just like we did before.

-          We will continue on the path set before us full of joy, peace and hope.

I invite you to pray with us as we start out on this next part of our journey. J

Who am I?

My photo
I have been married to my best friend for over 26 years and our children are 14, 13 and 10 years old. I have struggled with infertility, suffered the loss of a baby by miscarriage, and endured multiple career paths. I have experienced a crisis of faith that shook me to the core and lost dear friends to tragic death. I have a personal relationship with Jesus which is essential to surviving and even thriving in my circumstances. I hope you will be blessed by my heart and words. Thank you for being here..