Thursday, October 30, 2008

Fat thoughts while fasting (say that 10 times fast!)

I am currently focusing on a full cleanse of my body and mind. These are a few things that have occurred to me... It is pretty REAL, so beware...
It is meant to be funny, serious, and honest. Think of it as dictionary definitions (sort of). I pray you will be blessed for taking the time to read it and that the Lord will use it for His glory.

Resistance – what happens when there is something you don’t want to do, you waste a bunch of energy not doing it and then give in anyway.

Why am I so attached to food? How disgusting. I actually don’t like it much. But apparently I do. Maybe I just resent it? Can you resent an object? Hm... when I fast, like today – all I can think about is food and will I be different tomorrow because I starved today?

Pressing in – Diving deep into Christ knowing that the alternative would be disastrous.

Desperation – wanting so badly to change and yet wondering if I am desperate enough this time for it to last.

Fear – looking good, looking bad, being run by food or lack of it, annoyed by its side effects, transient, random, and wasting my energy on things that I can’t control.

Resentment- looking in the mirror feeling frustrated that I have to deal with this issue – and yet prevailing wisdom is “thank God it’s just fat and not some other scary issue!”

Fat – the presence of extra “medication” that works against one’s well being, mind set, and physical abilities. Acts as a hindrance to playing on slides and swings with your children and being able to make love in confined spaces.

Crazy – the act of continually expecting change without the pain of accomplishing it.

Power – nothing a human possesses for any length of time. Something only God possesses ALL the time.

Grace – what you say before you eat whatever you want and what you pray will keep you from reaping all the Ding Dongs you have sown.

Hungry – the point at which your body decides to grumble along with you while you are fasting. A place your spirit must be to motivate change.

Happy – Knowing that you know that you know that tomorrow will be a better day because God’s mercies are new every morning!

Need – a fluid term that can be swayed by hormones, mood, desires, cravings, and comfort level. The real life, no kidding, recognition that you want God to take over because you are making a wreck of things yourself.

Thorn - the place in your life that is a constant ache designed by God to draw you into Him on your knees so you don't get too full of yourself and think you don't need Him. This is not His form of torture! Only a consistent reminder that only His Grace is sufficient (2Cor 12:9), only His mercies are new (Lam 3:22-23), and only He can restore, heal, and reconcile all things (Col 1:19-20).

Love - the Cross. Designed by God for us to bring freedom to be intimately His in relationship and lead by Him in our actions.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow! Praise Him all creatures here, below! Praise Him above ye heavenly host! Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! Amen!

Monday, October 13, 2008

A life in progress...

Wow! So, I am in progress. Not a startling revelation to most of you. I wanted to share with you the parenting insights I have received and then in another blog I will give you an update on the "me" stuff...

Since we are each "a life in progress" and we are old enough to read and Lord willing, learn, then we easily assume that things may be hard but we can handle them. The things we think we can't handle we either ignore or try to figure out some new ingenious plan to fix it. As if there ever was a "new" plan!!

I have forgotten that my boys are also "lives in progress". Each day I spend with them, engaging with them, enjoying them and teaching them to become the godly men they are destined to be is going to be fruitful. The days I refuse to connect with them, focus on my friends (where the emotional payoff seems bigger and is certainly faster), and attend to the busy work of my life is going to be only marginally fruitful. I know that the people in my life are put there by God for His glory and the blessing of friendship and encouragement. The busy work must be done. BUT, is it really all it is supposed to be if I am ignoring or at least disconnected from the most important calling I have ever had? NOPE!

My little "lives in progress" need more than half of me. They need all of me. Yours need all of you. Look them in the eyes (you know the one's you couldn't wait to see when they were kicking around in your belly) and SEE beyond the right now to their destiny. Call it out. Declare it in their presence. If you don't know exactly what it is - ask God to give you His vision for your child. Each one is going to be different - as different as they are. See beyond the naughty attitude and behavior and declare the truth of Christ over them - OUT LOUD. Speak the Word over them and call forth the destiny God has designed them for. Take a step back from the day -to -day and focus on the big picture of who God is building in your family - Under your very roof!!

We bought a sweatshirt one year for James when we were in DC. It said "Future President of the United States". I have had different responses from different parents concerning that title. "I would never wish that on my child" and "good for you little guy". I bought it with the intention of blessing my son. Who knows what he will become? God does. The tighter I stay to the Living, Loving, Life giving, Destiny creating, Designer of Life itself, God, the more likely I am to lead my child into his destiny. If I get tunnel vision in the midst of the day and fixate on the "leadership skills" gone awry then we will never really get there.

So, my input is this: You have been given "talents" like the Master gave his servants before his journey. You are responsible for the investment your Master gave you. Will you just "get through it" or will you invest all you have and see the multiplication of your investment in the fruit of the Holy Spirit in your child and in yourself? That question is just as much for me as it is for you. Trust me. I am a life in progress... just like my kids, just like you.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I thought I had it all together ...

Until I realized my pants were on backward. Yes, that's right. Now, don't get me wrong, I was NOT wearing blue jeans, that would have been ridiculous. But my knit black Capri's were feeling pretty loose in front that morning and I just assumed that my weight loss was continuing to be a success without massive effort on my part.

Not so much.

Here is how something like that could have happened...
My trip to see my sister and parents in Hawaii was wonderful. However, I have yet to recover my regular routine or household order so every day I am just trying to get it back - apparently not very well.

I was so proud of myself that day. I woke up, got the kids dressed, breakfast, ready to go and out the door - ON TIME! Whew! I was thrilled to have them each checked into their classes and get to my own before it began. I enjoyed every moment of the worship before my bible study on Shepherding a Child's Heart. I had received a verse from the Lord to meditate on and even some clear direction on how to involve scripture in the lives of my very little boys.

And then, I needed to use the rest room. Not a big deal usually, but as I was pulling up my pants I noticed the white tag - in front. I laughed. Out loud in the bathroom alone. Yep, go figure. Pants on backwards. It just cracked me up. I felt beautiful that day and had received many compliments... thankfully they could not see the drawstring ties right above my rear!! Anyway, it was funny. Not at all dampening my mood, just a reminder that just when I think I have it all together, take another look in the mirror, just to make sure!!

Then it happened - would I still be laughing by the end of the day??? NOPE. Wish I could say that my sense of humor carried through the next half hour, but it really didn't.

One of the sweet child care workers came to get me about 10 minutes into our discussion time. Apparently my dear little #1 had gone #2 in his pants and required attention. The wonderful gal to my left said she had a pull up I could use and some wipes, so I didn't have to just pack up and leave. I went down to his class and called him out of the room (with some distress on his part since it was "snack time".) I took him to the main restroom, noticing that the other study group was still in session so I could just quickly clean him up and get back to class.

Not so much.

The #2 could only be described as some sort of intestinal explosion that coated all of one leg, sock and shoe included. Suddenly overcome with a wave of humiliation and frustration I began to cry. Why does my kid have to do this, especially today when I thought everything was going to be great-even if my pants were on backward!

A dear woman came out of the bathroom and offered to help. I blankly looked up and said I could manage, thinking are you kidding? YUCK! even I don't want to do this! I said no, but she offered to pray and of course I started crying for real now. She stopped, got a wad of paper towels, coated them in soapy water and began to help me clean up my son. I know Jesus washed the disciples feet and that was no picnic, but this beautiful angel came to my rescue and helped me scrape poo off my boy. She was loving to him and me, tended to us both, prayed over us and headed back to her bible study. I knew her in passing, but not well. Now, I see her as one of the delightful members of the Body of Christ who truly sacrificially SERVED me and my dear son. There were several other women who stopped in to do the usual thing expected in a restroom that were tender and concerned and even helped with a towel and replacement pants. Their compassion was wonderful, but I have never experienced the kind of ministry before that helps clean up that kind of actual mess. Most often that kind of mess is metaphorical. Not this time.

I would love to say that the day got easier. But, it didn't. But, we all survived. I cried more and never quite recaptured the sense of humor I had at the beginning of the day. But, one thing I was sure of - My God not only saw my pain, but provided for me someone to come alongside me and share my stinky load. I praise Him for His provision yet again.

The following day brought some more parental stress, but this time with a different twist. I called out to leadership for prayer, then two godly women met me in the nursery to pray for me while my boys played, and revelation took place. It seems that often at our lowest point, the very end of ourselves, God reveals clearly what is next. I will follow up more with what His Word revealed to me about my parenting issues and the scriptures He brought to life to bring about the transformation I have been longing for.

Again, thank you for your time. May God bless you with a sacrificial servants heart and also the ability to receive that kind of ministry should you need it. I LOVE Jesus, how about you?!

Who am I?

My photo
I have been married to my best friend for over 26 years and our children are 14, 13 and 10 years old. I have struggled with infertility, suffered the loss of a baby by miscarriage, and endured multiple career paths. I have experienced a crisis of faith that shook me to the core and lost dear friends to tragic death. I have a personal relationship with Jesus which is essential to surviving and even thriving in my circumstances. I hope you will be blessed by my heart and words. Thank you for being here..