Sunday, September 28, 2008

Where do I start????

It has been a while since my last post because my juggling act has not included blogging. I am just juggling daily life, mind you, not really anything impressive. But, then, maybe my life is impressive? Probably not. Well, here's the update...

The weight loss thing is working out slowly. The product is still fantastic and I still feel great overall, but my old "issues" are messing with my progress. I haven't given up though. Still keeping my focus on what God is working out in me. Some days the process feels like a NASCAR event and sometimes it feels like a buggy ride with Almonzo from Little House on the Prairie. The important thing, like any major life changing process is that I choose to return to focus on the task God has called me to. One day, or one minute at a time.

The parenting has been REALLY tricky lately. I actually felt the tender, loving conviction of my heavenly Father today when I was yelling at my kids for not obeying Mommy and telling them that I would not do what they were asking me to do because they were being rude and disobedient. I am sure my Lord has felt my treatment of our relationship has been rude and disobedient over my lifetime and yet, He withholds nothing from me that is a part of His plan. He faithfully reminds me that His blessing does not depend on my attitude or actions but only on His divine love for me as demonstrated on the cross. And since that point of conviction I have been seeking His insight on how to attend to my sweet and challenging boys in a different way.

I think Paul says it well in scripture (not sure of it's location) about doing what we don't want to do, and not doing what we don't want to do... that is the essence of parenting. THEN God's grace enters in and covers a multitude of my sins. When I had a particularly tough day with the boys and I was really at my wits end (before 10am, mind you) I was sitting on the chair crying. My #1 says to me, "stop whining, Mommy!" And after I contemplated whacking off his head for a split second, I told him I was crying because I was tired of his being so disobedient and didn't know what to do next. He put his hand on my leg and said, "I am going to talk to Jesus about you." He got up, went over to the couch, put both hands over his face and prayed, "Jesus, please bless my Mommy and help her feel better." Then he looked up at me, came over and gave me a hug, immediately expecting Jesus to have fixed me. Gotta love that kind of faith! I cried some more and thanked him for praying and hugged on him and my #2 and told them both how much I loved them and I thanked God that I had modeled at least one useful thing to him over the past few years --- always pray when you aren't sure how to fix it. Then I was humbled by the fact that even though I don't do a lot right - he got something important from me.

My ministry is interesting no doubt. While feeling like a failure as a mom, I am often praying for others and drawing them to Jesus with an awareness of how useless I am and how powerful He is. It is easier in a lot of ways for me to pray for others right now because it keeps me from fixating on my flaws and failings and often, as I pray, I hear God's Word for me in the midst of something I am praying for another. It is good because God is so Good!

We still have our home on the market, but with the current economic situation, we aren't really sure what will actually happen. We are waiting on God and are thankful for what we have. I am trying some new ways to make my space work better for me in the meantime, and yet I am constantly begging God for a different space to raise my family.

So, another day comes to a close. I am committing tomorrow to the Lord and trusting for His will to be worked out for the day. One day at a time --- that's all I've got!
God bless you. May you sense His pleasure and delight in you today.
Much love to each of you!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Me and Jr (Mints that is...)

So, after our toilet flooded, arguing with the insurance company, it flooding again, the tub backing up with the boys in it, and trying to get clothes washed, towels laundered (from cleaning up toilet overflow, kids re-bathed, groceries bought and put away, I was so done with my day.

So there I sat watching one of my favorite movies (Grosse Point Blank) playing computer games and mindlessly devouring an ENTIRE box of Junior Mints - that is medicating! Yikes. I thought I only at half the box until I picked it up to put back in the freezer and it was almost empty. Four left. I threw them in the garbage to punctuate how unnecessary they are for me to use for "medication". I was so startled. Not. It had been a busy, exhausting, and stressful day and instead of looking to the Lord for my comfort and peace, I found it temporarily in a box of candy and a movie. Not great for my lifestyle change. More like "same old, same old"!

I am not sure how to change the habits of the past except to hand them over to the Lord and trust Him with them. And the added bonus --- no calories are consumed in this process!

My amazing boys are really funny these days, sitting nicely for haircuts so they can have a cookie, playing with their Thomas the tank engine tent and finding out how much ceiling popcorn can fall on them when they set it up on the top bunk. They are doing better with potty training and cups without lids. My # 3 is now crawling and has cut his first tooth! Progress is happening. Growth is happening and soon, dinner needs to happen, so TTFN --- Ta Ta For Now (quoting Tigger from Winnie the Pooh)!
God bless each of you!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

So what's the plan...?

Do you know? I am not sure, but I have a few thoughts...
Right now I'm trying to sell my house, lose weight, get exercise, set up a family schedule/routine, be a good wife, and be a good mom. But not necessarily in that order. It has been said "Fail to plan, Plan to fail". When does that actually apply to all of the above? Yes, I can keep on the housework so I can show the house when someone wants to see it. Yes, I can plan to eat well and work out so my body reveals on the outside the work God is doing within me. Yes, I can schedule my day so my children and I can play, learn, and enjoy each other. Yes, I can make sure that I attend to the needs of my hubby and family. I keep trying to figure out what the top priority is and the fact is they are all top priority. So how do I plan that???? Ugh!

I made a trip to the Healing Rooms in Spokane a few weeks ago with all this on my mind. I just asked for prayer for focus and direction because I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. The prayers of total strangers can be really cool - since they don't really know you - often it feels like a direct Word from God.

So, this is what they said: Don't try to look at your life thru binoculars, take a step back and enjoy the big picture. That is what the Lord would have you focus on - enjoying all He has given you TODAY. Children, hubby, housework, friends, etc are all blessings. Look at them, be with them, do the tasks set before you, and walk.

We get so bogged down with what the plan is or what plan we need to make that we often forget to look into the eyes of our children, spouse, friends, and even enjoy the tasks that are a part of every day life.

So what's the plan? LIVE! Get out of bed, pray for wisdom and courage (that's what I need right now) to walk thru the day with my eyes on Jesus and the blessings He has provided for me. RIGHT NOW.

I am sure that some seasons of our lives require planning beyond just making notes on the calendar, but right now, in this season of my life, I am sure I am to focus on vast blessings (large and small) God has provided for me and walk. No need to run, unless I hear the boys in the bathroom and the water is running again...

Who am I?

My photo
I have been married to my best friend for over 26 years and our children are 14, 13 and 10 years old. I have struggled with infertility, suffered the loss of a baby by miscarriage, and endured multiple career paths. I have experienced a crisis of faith that shook me to the core and lost dear friends to tragic death. I have a personal relationship with Jesus which is essential to surviving and even thriving in my circumstances. I hope you will be blessed by my heart and words. Thank you for being here..