Sunday, September 28, 2008

Where do I start????

It has been a while since my last post because my juggling act has not included blogging. I am just juggling daily life, mind you, not really anything impressive. But, then, maybe my life is impressive? Probably not. Well, here's the update...

The weight loss thing is working out slowly. The product is still fantastic and I still feel great overall, but my old "issues" are messing with my progress. I haven't given up though. Still keeping my focus on what God is working out in me. Some days the process feels like a NASCAR event and sometimes it feels like a buggy ride with Almonzo from Little House on the Prairie. The important thing, like any major life changing process is that I choose to return to focus on the task God has called me to. One day, or one minute at a time.

The parenting has been REALLY tricky lately. I actually felt the tender, loving conviction of my heavenly Father today when I was yelling at my kids for not obeying Mommy and telling them that I would not do what they were asking me to do because they were being rude and disobedient. I am sure my Lord has felt my treatment of our relationship has been rude and disobedient over my lifetime and yet, He withholds nothing from me that is a part of His plan. He faithfully reminds me that His blessing does not depend on my attitude or actions but only on His divine love for me as demonstrated on the cross. And since that point of conviction I have been seeking His insight on how to attend to my sweet and challenging boys in a different way.

I think Paul says it well in scripture (not sure of it's location) about doing what we don't want to do, and not doing what we don't want to do... that is the essence of parenting. THEN God's grace enters in and covers a multitude of my sins. When I had a particularly tough day with the boys and I was really at my wits end (before 10am, mind you) I was sitting on the chair crying. My #1 says to me, "stop whining, Mommy!" And after I contemplated whacking off his head for a split second, I told him I was crying because I was tired of his being so disobedient and didn't know what to do next. He put his hand on my leg and said, "I am going to talk to Jesus about you." He got up, went over to the couch, put both hands over his face and prayed, "Jesus, please bless my Mommy and help her feel better." Then he looked up at me, came over and gave me a hug, immediately expecting Jesus to have fixed me. Gotta love that kind of faith! I cried some more and thanked him for praying and hugged on him and my #2 and told them both how much I loved them and I thanked God that I had modeled at least one useful thing to him over the past few years --- always pray when you aren't sure how to fix it. Then I was humbled by the fact that even though I don't do a lot right - he got something important from me.

My ministry is interesting no doubt. While feeling like a failure as a mom, I am often praying for others and drawing them to Jesus with an awareness of how useless I am and how powerful He is. It is easier in a lot of ways for me to pray for others right now because it keeps me from fixating on my flaws and failings and often, as I pray, I hear God's Word for me in the midst of something I am praying for another. It is good because God is so Good!

We still have our home on the market, but with the current economic situation, we aren't really sure what will actually happen. We are waiting on God and are thankful for what we have. I am trying some new ways to make my space work better for me in the meantime, and yet I am constantly begging God for a different space to raise my family.

So, another day comes to a close. I am committing tomorrow to the Lord and trusting for His will to be worked out for the day. One day at a time --- that's all I've got!
God bless you. May you sense His pleasure and delight in you today.
Much love to each of you!

No comments:

Who am I?

My photo
I have been married to my best friend for over 29 years and our children are 16, 15 and 12 years old. I have struggled with infertility, suffered the loss of a baby by miscarriage, and endured multiple career paths. I have experienced a crisis of faith that shook me to the core and lost dear friends to tragic death. I have a personal relationship with Jesus which is essential to surviving and even thriving in my circumstances. I hope you will be blessed by my heart and words. Thank you for being here..