Wednesday, August 6, 2008

In the middle... actually more like the beginning of the middle...

You know how when you start something it is easy to be all fired up about it? Well, I am now past the fired up stage of my weight loss and starting to struggle with the "I still have so far to go!" feelings. Yes, I am doing more right than I am slacking still, but I am constantly fighting the desire to just bag it because even though I have lost 29inches and 26pounds I am still fat.

So, here is the deal, I don't want to stop. Not when I really think about it. I want to press on toward the prize of the new abundant life God has called me to. I want to go on the swings and slides at the park with my boys and dance and kayak with my husband. I want to wear a bathing suit without feeling self conscious and not be annoyed with looking at photos of myself. I want to allow God to work this process out in me. I could go one forever listing these things - but what is my real focus when I am staring down at the fridge contemplating something unhealthy?

Feelings.... feelings... naughty, tempting, feelings! Ugh! Feelings can really screw you up and they can be a big blessing. When it comes to food, my feelings still often dictate my choices. That has got to stop! I am not sure how to stop it other than the moment by moment choice to choose fact and long term goals over how I feel right this minute. Because, let's face it, a lot of feelings don't last longer than a few minutes or even an hour. So, if I can shift my focus for just that little bit of time... easier said than done! But, still working on it.

As a Star Trek fan I sometimes think of Data from the Next Generation show. He used to say "processing" when he was in the middle of figuring something out. I am "processing" a lot these days and probably more than I should be. I should be giving it to the Lord more. Then I would be less stressed.

A Prayer from the Beginning of the Middle:
Lord, thanks for getting me this far. Thanks for surrounding me with people who encourage and support me. Please help me lay the concerns I have at Your reliable, capable, wise feet and walk away and wait for Your further instructions... So, now I choose to release my flaws (as I see them) as a person, wife, mother, friend, and minister of the gospel of peace. I release my home to your hands to sell to whoever needs to live here next. The home we have an offer in on may not be your best for us, so please, take that too and let Your will be done. I release my concepts of what is to come in my life in the next few months and surrender my agenda to You. I want Your will, Your way, Your plans for me to be fulfilled in every way. Please help me have the courage to obey and not chicken out and settle for my own understanding. I trust You to get me to the end of this season. Whatever that may look like, whenever it will come. I love You, Lord. Amen.

God bless each of you for coming along on this journey with me!

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Who am I?

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I am a wife and mother of 3. I have been married to my best friend for over 25 years and our children are 12, 11 and 9 years old. I have struggled with infertility, suffered the loss of a baby by miscarriage, and endured multiple career paths. I have experienced a crisis of faith that shook me to the core and lost a dear friend to a tragic death. I have had a personal relationship with Jesus for most of my life. The Bible and my relationship with Christ has been essential to my surviving and even thriving in my circumstances. I hope you will be blessed by joining me in this process of life. I thank you for showing up to read what I have written.