Humility 101

So, this is about my need for humility. Brace yourself - this is never a fun subject to address, but it will be worth it in the end - just like anything else of value.

As I have been working hard to lose weight (some days harder than others) I have found myself struggling with my pride. You see, so much of my identity over the years has been in "spiritual counsel, insight, and prayer". My insecurity about my appearance and my choosing to focus on the gifting God gave me instead of the temple He gave me has thrown my life out of balance in many ways. As I am trying to come into balance God is revealing how much I have leaned on my identity in my gifts instead of on my identity in Christ.

A few days ago I wrote a particular timely note to a dear friend. I waited impatiently for a response to my note, admitting to myself it was to build myself up (when the response is thanks so much for that great word!) and not for God's glory alone. I prayed about it. I asked God to forgive me but still felt a rush when I was told the note was very special. So, even aware of my motives, even repenting in advance, I still, get this, failed to acknowledge God first when the person finally did respond. Nice, huh? I had to follow up the phone conversation with a text message mentioning that it was God's message for the person, not my own words.

I hope this is making sense. The punchline, I guess, is that all my motives are still questionable. Even when I know better. Even my motives to lose weight are being questioned by the Lord. Do I want the approval of man? or Do I seek the approval and blessing of God by choosing to walk in the healthy, full functioning life God created for me? Not that God's blessing is removed from me when I am not choosing to walk in obedience. I rob myself of walking in abundant life when I choose not to obey.

I need to be motivated by my love for God alone. Motivated to pursue Him above all other gods, like me (building myself up), the food I choose at times to love over His path for me at this time, and entertainment before pursuit of Him.

Lord, please forgive me for all the ways I pursue my own glory instead of Yours. You alone deserve glory, honor, and praise. All things must bow to You alone. I am vapor and dust without you. I beg again for Your mercy and grace to walk each day, submitted to Your will and seeking to bring You glory. In Jesus name, amen.